Monday, November 23, 2009

Reflection at four weeks

Two blogs ago I said I wanted to learn more about God and more about myself on this journey of left-handedness. Well now should be a good time to reflect since I go to the doctor tomorrow for my four week check-up. I say four week check-up because barring a miracle over night I don't think I'm getting rid of this cast yet.
Things I've learned about God and me so far:
He's in charge, I'm not.
He's patient, I'm impatient. (For years I've thought I was very patient.)
He's kind and loving, I'm crabby, selfish, and prone to perfectionism and discouragement.
He wants to change my attitude.
He wants me to think of Him first, and if I don't get around to thinking of anything else all day, that's OK.

Things I've learned about me:
I don't run to God for help as immediately as I thought I did.
I don't hunger to read His word as much as I thought I did.
I don't spend time in prayer praising Him and snuggling in His arms to get well. I just ask him to help me do the things I want, or feel I need to do, to prove I'm not helpless. (make bed, empty dishwasher, laundry, teach, etc.) Of course that leads to seeing what else needs to be done and being frustrated when it can't be done on my timetable. (Paul says "Oh wretched man that I am." Pauline says "Oh wretched woman that I am.")

During my adventure God's servants sent me cards and notes and prayers. Many came from people I didn't even think would care about me. I have been totally overwhelmed by this.
Our church sent flowers and a visitor.
During this time my kids have rallied around to feed us, clean our house, take me to the doctor and hairdresser, to be with me during Bill's surgery and to pray for us.
During this time my husband had heart surgery. He had three stents put in. He did not complain. He thanked God that we live in an age when this is possible.
Also during this time I've prayed for two couples going through far more physical difficulty than I. Yesterday a friend's wife died suddenly.

Tomorrow I see my doctor. He and God may both say I need more time. This "light momentary affliction" is not over yet. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." (Proverbs 1:7) I'm beginning to learn.
Insightfully yours,

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